As women’s month approaches let’s reflect.
Often men in powerful positions abuse their power to mistreat those weaker than themselves.
These perceived positions of authority can be found in homes, schools, companies and many other places.
I, sadly, speak from direct, recent experience.
It is never OK to abuse a women
I had the misfortune of attempting to attend a widely publicised event towards the end of July.
Upon arrival, it was apparent that the event was over-capacity, leading to traffic, access and safety problems for the public. These aspects of the event prompting questions from members of the public. I then sought some answers on their behalf.
Any member of the public might have asked the same questions.
Unfortunately, a senior official responsible for the event took umbrage at being asked these questions. His approach was surly and combative.
In an attempt to stop me from recording his abrupt answers, he tried to grab my phone out of my hands. In the process he grabbed my wrist with severe force to prevent me from countering his phone snatch.
As I tried to free myself and retreat, his tightened grasp injured my wrist as I wrestled away from him.
There is no justice
In terms of law, this was not only assault but attempted robbery with aggravating circumstances.
If he did not like the questions being asked, he could have politely terminated the interview and simply walked away. He could have asked me to call his office at a convenient point to discuss the aspects further. He could have referred me to his PR company – ironically, led by a woman.
Instead, he chose to lash out.
In no way was his response acceptable, for any cause, in any place at any time.
Perhaps he was afraid that the misogynistic and condescending retorts he was giving were being recorded. Afraid his carefully cultivated public image might be shattered?
Yet, by choosing violence he shattered it all by himself.
When I summoned the SAPS to deal with the matter, he then displayed cowardice by running into the crowd with his proverbial tail between his legs.
Misuse of power
I would like to say that men like this love to fluff their tail feathers and prove their manliness by taking physical control of what they deem to be “the problem”. More often than not, they are wrestling with deep insecurities and are cowards.
However, they usually get away with the abuse and aggressive behaviour like that because they have a circle of yes-people whose livelihood depends on standing by their story.
And so, we sadly live in a world where abuse of women continues to be acceptable.
Even our legal system, as evidenced by advice from the responding SAPS officers who attended the incident, seems skewed to dissuade victims from pursuing claims and charges.
You, as the victim, need to bear the cost of a medical examination in order to get a doctor’s certificate confirming the injuries suffered to include in the case file. To record their statements, one needs to obtain witness names.
Finally, you have to spend time and money going to lay the charge.
With individuals such as this, who can make life extremely difficult through their commercial and social contacts for any of their victims. You also have to weigh up the short and long term costs of them abusing you further through the wielding of that power.
In the interim, your abuser is relaxing with the spoils of their adulation.
And they can simply deny the incident or threaten to lay a counter charge.
It’s often the victim who pays
In this particular case, the well-known company that sponsored the event would not even provide the courtesy of a reply to calls to their management to discuss the attack and the capacity issues raised by the public.
Yet, they will probably continue to “champion women’s rights” to their adoring public on their platforms while asking the person involved to do another event for them as if nothing has happened.
And if that has been my experience, as a journalist, it is little wonder that the majority of less-empowered women do not bother to take matters further when they are abused and little wonder the men involved get away with it. Time and again.
‘A large portion of abusers (parents, partners, leaders) are people who are adored in the public ‘ Nate Postlethwait
Ever been told you are ‘too (insert trait here)’?
However, it is not just in homes and public spaces where this problem flourishes.
It pervades spaces which should be safe.
Have you ever been told you are ‘too emotional’, ‘too sensitive’, ‘too soft’, ‘too critical’, ‘too questioning’, “too unladylike”, ‘Dressed too provocatively’ and a host of many other “too much’s’?
If you said yes and are a South African woman, the person who said these things was probably, in my experience, a piously religious male.
I could tell you 1000 stories about how charismatic and mainstream religion is used to abuse and subjugate women and so could many women but, we don’t speak up.
We dare not cry about the insults and other techniques used to keep us in our perceived, scripturally claimed places. We simply get dismissed as being ‘too emotional’ or ‘too-sensitive.’
Gaslighting running rampant
In my experience, our country has an epidemic where churches, companies and others have become boys’ clubs. They are spaces where men get off on power and control. They have the audacity to gaslight and bully women.
These environments perpetuate the issue of gender-based violence and domestic abuse. They continually support and encourage each other to the point of covering up bad behaviour. Abusing selectively quoted and narrowly interpreted scriptures from their holy writs to support their actions as “Godly”.
Odd that, when taken on a considered reading of virtually all religious texts in mainstream use today, the core message appears to be “get along with one another”.
And that should not be based on gender, race or any other arbitrary aspect of your existence.
And not just in August each year either.
